I found out I was pregnant in December 2015, my period had been late & I just knew something was different. I took a test & sure enough I was growing a little human inside of me, I had no idea what to expect.All I had to go off of were stories the women in my life had told me about pregnancy & women on the internet. My first trimester was the toughest trimester in my opinion I was so nauseous & could barely drink water. Once I was finally able to eat something I would eat mash potatoes & hot sauce, I ate that for weeks. Everyone told me that saltine crackers would ease the nausea, that was a lie..at least for me. Throughout my pregnancy I begin to realize that not all the symptoms other women got would be the same in my case.
I like to joke around & say that pregnancy is the most beautiful yet uncomfortable experience ever & honestly it is. At least for me, I won't speak for others. Pregnancy for me was something extremely spiritual, for 9 months my body made a home for someone & that experience truly strengthened my connection with The Most High as well as my higher self. To feel someone move inside of you with so much force is life changing. Everyday I miss those kicks & turns that my daughter made. But on the flip side you have symptoms for days, back aches, cramps, your uterus stretching is no fun, having constant cravings that you sometimes can't cure, grumpy pregnant lady mood swings, inhaling smells that make you cringe & your stomach weak, it was rough. But with something so amazing taking place in your body I guess there has to be some cons to create balance.
Pregnancy has taught me to be more in tune with my body, to nurture my body way more than I did before. I can honestly say that while pregnant I felt more sexy than not, most of the time. I was creating life & exuding more feminine energy than I ever had before..how is that not sexy? Post baby I felt even more sexy, my body had new curves that I didn't have prior to pregnancy, I was proud of my new body. Although at times I did struggle with the dilemma of being sexy and a mom. It's quite a change when your breast are constantly looked at as sexual & all of a sudden they're being used for their actual purpose, sustaining a life. I would breastfeed my daughter all throughout the day then get in bed with my man, have him fondle my boobs & feel this shift, it was almost funny because he still saw my breast as sexy & now they were just my daughters food to me. I learned to find the balance though, although I had carried a child for 9 months then started to breastfeed that child, my body was still my own. I was still sexy & me being a new mother didn't change that. I think it's foolish that some people believe that once you're a mother you're obligated to tone down your sexual expression. I didn't want that to be me, I didn't want my identity to get lost in mother hood. I wanted to be ME & a mother. I wanted to perfectly merge the two to keep my sanity.
I think that can be especially challenging to do when you're a young mother. I'm 22 now & found out I was pregnant when I was 20. I've always wanted a family young, being a mom was my biggest goal to be honest. But when I found out I was pregnant I realized that my life would no longer be at all how it used to be, a big part of my freedom was now gone & only being 20 I didn't get to experience that much of my freedom. I think that can be the hardest part, not wishing that I never had my child but just wishing it would be a little easier to do certain things like I once did. Something as simple as making a quick run to the store is no longer so simple, you have to make sure you have everything the baby needs. Poop explosions can happen at anytime, babies are completely unpredictable so you literally have to be prepared times 10. Friends randomly making plans with you? That's out of the question, they now have to check in to make sure you have a sitter. Having a baby young also means that a lot of your friends most likely won't have babies, so now there's this great big new thing that's apart of your life that you can't relate to with your friends. While you're pregnant you tend to talk about the pregnancy most of the time & after you have your child your world revolves around them & your friends can't really grasp that. You no longer get the freedom of learning who you are & putting yourself first, that's secondary once you become a parent. They're your first priority, period. You now have to learn how to mother & grow up simultaneously. That's the sacrifice you make when you enter motherhood so young & I don't regret it not one bit. I've grown so much since my daughter has entered my womb & accompanied me on my journey. I have her to thank for expanding my heart so wide in such a short amount of time. Motherhood is truly unexplainable & it's something you'll never thoroughly understand until you have a child of your own. I'm forever grateful for this gift.